Weight, Eat, Live.

I'm starting on a new journey and this one doesn't involve traveling!

I've been inspired by close friends that I respect and admire to do what has seemed impossible...

I'm changing my diet. 

No more random eats, little snacks, or indulging in the foods that I've easily and so often grabbed for. I've decided to challenge myself to eat differently, eat healthy whole-grained, organically grown, non-dairy foods that will enrich my body and detox from what I've put into my body for almost 27 years. Good luck to me.

I'm changing my diet today - Sunday, September 8, 2013 - and I'll continue it for 40 days. Ironic that it's a Biblical number but my original goal was to make it to my friend's wedding reception which is a day after this ends. Now, there's a deeper meaning involved.

But I'm ready for the challenge. No one's telling me to do it (and that might be why I'm more persuaded to go for it) but also I'm ready to feel BETTER, not only about the way I look but to take increased care of what has been given to me as a wonderful and graceful gift from the Lord.

I've always fluctuated with my weight, and as a woman, it's difficult to take. Am I right, ladies?? Not only are we critical and harsh on ourselves, we take that outlook and then compare ourselves to the other women we see every day. It doesn't ever work out well. I used to cope with food because it made me feel good or I'd eat out of boredom. That didn't work out well either.

I didn't have too many insecurities about my weight until I went to college. I was comfortable enough about who I was that it didn't bother me if someone commented to me that I was too tom-boyish or maybe on the heavy end. Then college happened where girls spent hours on their hair and make up and athletes commented on how "fat" they were even though they were in the best shape of their lives. Even if you don't think those things about yourself, when you continue to hear how others criticize the qualities about themselves that you actually find unique and pretty, and that's when the comparison begins. Because if they're thinner than you but calling themselves fat, what does that make you? In God's eyes, it just makes you beautiful and perfect. But in the wonderful early twenties, all girl dorm room living, young woman's eyes...it just makes you fatter. 

So we fight that in unhealthy ways - by eating less, working out more, obsessed with finding the right form flattering clothes -- or we give in to unhealthy ways - binge eating, emotional eating, negative thinking, not working out, giving up completely. We forget to take care of ourselves in the way that God has intended us to.

So this is my journey to a healthier, more content life. I believe this will affect me far deeper than I could have ever imagined. But isn't that what God does? He does immeasurably more than I ask or imagine, Ephesians 3:20.

The tough part about friendships.

My life has always consisted of traveling, adventure. But it took a backhold to paying for gas and other "necessities". Then came college where I really felt the heavy pressure of loans and the need to pay for them. (One summer I had 3 jobs, and don't ask me how I time-managed it all plus enjoying friendships but I became a wonderfully detailed girl, and still had time for travels.) During the years where everyone said to travel, I worked. I worked when I had no real bills to pay. I learned a whole lot about white-collar, minimum-wage, real-world entrepenuer-ing but I'm not necessarily proud of the fact that I can carry 4 plates full of food to a table, although it is a nifty time saver when I'm clearing the table at home after a meal. Now, I'm making up for the time when I said, "I'll travel later." I put my work ahead of my desires but now I'm letting my adventurous spirit forge ahead. It's simply a choice.

So I've put traveling at the front of my to-do list. In the past year and a half, my travels haven't been for a few days or vacation-esque but for months at a time. I've left my home and tried to live in another country. For me, to leave "home" isn't the issue or the hard part, it's when I'm away and after I've said goodbyes that becomes the difficulty, where I feel most weak and afraid. I'm not scared to travel but I dread saying goodbye's. I know what's going to happen next.

You aren't in the routine anymore, and quite honestly, people forget about you. Or least you feel forgotten. That turns into feeling abandoned and it's hard not let that slide into bitterness. When I see groups of friends here doing what I miss so much from my own back home, I long for that same kind of connection, and even the internet can't replicate it.

You can't have the person to person interaction, so what can you have when you're so far away? It becomes about the simple things. A Facebook message or post, a Skype session (but only if the internet signal is strong enough) a phone call, a letter. You have no idea how much the little things matter when they only come once every few weeks, or months, or hardly ever. A phone call has literally changed my entire WEEK. I don't feel left out, forgotten, but I feel connected to the life that I was once apart of.

But what I forget is that those friendships happened over time, with lots of investment, and similarities between us. We studied homework together, destressed by talking about those awful customers where we waitressed, or pointed out that cute guy walking around campus. In an instant, we came to the defense of our "bestie", possibly with chocolate or a drink, when the complete idiot broke up with her. (How could the douche not see what we saw??) We sympathized, encouraged, and loved each other.

It's daunting to start friendships all over again, no matter where you are. It's heartbreaking to see those friendships slide farther away. At times, I don't even want to replicate my friendships from the states, and at other times, I want to forget all about them so I can fully replace them here. Both aren't good ideas. It's hard to let go, to not know what's happening in your dearest friends' lives simply because you live in another place. I still haven't found or experienced that "happy medium" where you can have both well.

This blog post isn't going to sum up nicely or give any type of counsel to someone looking for answers. I'm going to end it with my own thoughts saying don't forget about the friends and family that are far away, or on the other side of town. If you think about them, tell them. Make an effort and be intentional because it means the WORLD, especially when you're on the other side of it.